clrmehppygrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New Side of Lonliness I just woke up from an unexpected nap at Jupiter's apartment and I'm alone. It feels so strange to be like this. I fell asleep and she was right here, rubbing my feet, encouraging me to nod off, since I'd only had about 4 hours of sleep, again, last night. Maybe 5. There's this quiet stillness right now that I haven't felt in ages. It's a little sad, but not depressing like the ones that haunt me in the wee hours of the morning. Right now it's just that lonliness that comes to visit when there is no one there to wake up to. It's a strange feeling. To know that right now, right at this time, and at this space, I'm alone. I'm hundreds of miles away from the only home I've ever known, my son is still over there and I can't get ahold of my husband... or anyone else for that matter. I'm alone right now. In this room, on this couch, and in the world. Like I said, though, this isn't completely a bad thing. It's more of a reflective moment. More of a time to kind of soak in all that's going on this weekend and in the upcoming week. I'm going to be a busy busy girl. The sun is setting outsie, this room is slowly getting darker as the light fades from behind the verticals. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere... except down the street to a completely empty, badly decorated, new to me, apartment. After I went to check out a daycare for my son, I looked down at the Pringles can that I had bought on the way here to keep me awake, and the first thought that went through my head was, "Oh! I can have some of those on the drive back." The drive back? I only have to drive 3 miles to get where I'm going now, not 300. That's how little this has sunk into my brain at this point. Right now I think I'm going to finish this entry, maybe play a game or something to keep my mind occupied, maybe fill out more paperwork for daycare. But I'm going to sit here, do whatever strikes me, and enjoy the sounds of lonliness. The crickets.. The hum of the air conditioning. My own thoughts for the first time in months. 7:31 pm - 2005-09-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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