clrmehppygrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Want To Love I just want to love. It sounds so simple when you just say it out loud like that. I just want to love. But there are these... these monsters, in all of us. These insane crazily horrible beasts that take the love we receive and twist it into pain, and insecurity... and fear. I have my share. More than my share. And they mess things up in ways I've never intended. They mess things up in the exact opposite ways that I want things to happen. They hurt where I all I want to do is help. I want to love her in the purity of our hearts. I want to love her now more than I ever have in the past. I want to love my husband with the open arms and freed soul that I have promised him. I want to be the wife that I have always dreamed of being. I want to love. Simply. Without walls. Without fear. Without these monsters in my head that turn every word into an attack. These monsters that throw me against the defensive at every comment. I want to love without them blocking my view. These cages around my heart are not of my own accord. They are of my own making, but I don't want them anymore. I'm sorry they get in the way. I'm sorry to all three of you. I'm sorry these walls hurt when you slam up against them. I am trying to take them down, but I keep getting lost in the process. I want to love. All of you. I want to, more than anything. And I can only do it the way I know how until I can get these monsters, these walls, to go away. I just want you to know that I'm trying. 11:45 pm - 2005-09-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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