clrmehppygrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Panic and NyQuil How do I keep this all balanced? How do I keep her at an arms length when all I want is to pull her close into me? How do I pull him close to me, without having to explain myself? It's after 3:30 in the morning, I'm sick, and I've taken NyQuil and I still can't sleep. Talking to Jupiter tonight was nothing short of... well, it was perfect. It's always perfect. It's always sweet and tender and beautiful and just so full of her that I love every second. But I wanted to discuss something with her that I wasn't able to get into because Hubby came in the room. Not that I didn't want him there, but I can't handle splaying myself wide open in front of two people at once... it's hard enough to do it in front of one. She called her hubby and me and mine had a wonderful time together. Something we needed desperately. Hubby and I really need some re-bonding time now and tonight, I'm hoping, was just a start. But there's something nagging me in the back of my head right now that I can't explain or even put my finger on. It's like I don't want to sleep because I'm afraid that tomorrow I'll wake up missing something. What that something is, I don't know. I want to stay up for hours and talk. Or I want someone to lull me to sleep this time. I need someone to hold me and there's no one to do it right now. Hubby's out cold, and Jupiter is hundreds of miles away. I'm not even sure if she's awake. I should check. She's said to always call, but right now I don't think I can. That's why I'm here. The NyQuil is finally starting to kick in, it seems, which is wonderful. Sleep is my friend right now and I've been chasing him for hours. I wish I knew what this something was that I feel like I'm losing. Maybe it's because I know I won't talk to her again until Sunday night and I really feel like we hung up too quickly. Maybe it's because tomorrow is so unsure. I don't know. I just know right now that I feel incredibly lonely and I want nothing more than someone to hold me, play with my hair, and tell me that everything is going to be alright. Is it going to be alright, right? 3:35 am - 2005-08-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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