clrmehppygrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In Worship of Silence The quiet of a sleeping house, how it lets thoughts and random moments filter in and out of your memory. There is an inner peace I am finding lately. Buried below the fear, the infatuations, the frustration and the angst, there is this sweet soft lull of a place that comes to the surface on a night like tonight. All around me, the air is buzzing with silence. Just that general hum of complete nothingness swarming in and out of my head. My life here is almost over. This chapter tying up all of its loose ends and the next page is about to be turned. I look around and think what it will look like once we leave. Once all of the toys are tucked neatly away for when we visit. For when our computer desk is gone from the play room. The emptiness of my childhood room turned marriage bed. How dull will the rooms look without the bright colors of Tonka Trucks and Fischer Price? Will it echo in the silence all the time, just like it's doing tonight? All the fear is still balled inside of me, but for tonight it's been pushed aside, pushed down, pushed away. Tonight the peace is running the bar and no one else is invited in for the show. As soon as my husband comes back from getting something for dinner, I know this membrane of calm will burst into a frenzy of talking about the randomness of the day. And as soon as Jupiter logs on tonight, I will be lost, then, in her. But for now... for now I'm enjoying this stillness. I remember being this person once in time. Mind full of nothing but a flat reflective ocean surface. I remember being this still of thought and full of heart. I wonder if this woman has come back to inhabit me again. I have missed her. I am truly happy right now. Not a worry, not a wrinkle in my forehead. This moment is dedicated to joy, and nothing else. 10:18 pm - 2005-07-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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