clrmehppygrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Missing Jupiter I haven't talked to her all day. She hasn't replied to my email. I'm on the verge of frantic almost, and I don't like this feeling. This feeling of fear, of panic, of this strange overwhelming anxiety that she's gone. Or she's sick. Or there's something wrong and she can't let me know. I know this. This insanely heavy lump of solid rock in my chest, it's an old friend... an old enemy. For so long I feared when it came to her, for so long I was afraid I'd do something wrong and push her away. For so long I was afraid that she, or someone else, would hurt her. That she would go away and I wouldn't be able to tell her that I love her anymore. Yes, I realize that this is 99.9% unfounded and she is probably either getting a good day's rest, or spending the time with her husband, as she does on the weekends. Or something is wrong with her computer, or she just doesn't feel like turning it on. I almost positively know that she is probably perfectly fine. I think I've checked my email a million times over today. I've even emailed her again, just in case I forgot the first time. Does this make me sound/feel desperate, insane, clingy and totally nuts? Most definitely. I'm alright to the point that I'm not letting it completely run my day. But it's there. It's quietly knawing at the back of my head, driving me to check my email just one more time. Maybe this time she wrote. I feel like I'm clinging to the side of a cliff, just waiting for help to come and rescue me. And if I can hold onto her just long enough for us to move over there come next year, everything will be alright. But so much can happen between now, and the time that someone comes to rescue me. I hope my arms can hold out that long. I miss you, Jupiter. I hope you're alright, and having a good day. 5:18 pm - 2005-07-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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