clrmehppygrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Purging Negativity How do I describe the day I had yesterday? Yesterday was filled to the brim with the negativity that I am so desperately trying to climb out of right now. My friend and her boyfriend came for breakfast and stayed until about 5pm, sleeping most of the time because they'd been up late and had to be up late again that night... concerts. My mother took on painting the bathroom all by herself for one reason or another and was in pain the entire day. She would yell at me to do dishes, she would yell at me to make sure my son wasn't bothering my friends while they slept, she would just yell at me all day for one reason or another. Then when my husband, my reprive, my savior, got home, we went grocery shopping. And managed to get into a fight in the car on the way. I had to sit in the parking lot of Publix while all the customers and little bag boys walked by, crying my eyes out and my husband crying too. I was not only upset, but embarrassed. I was still holding onto the attitudes of my family from the day before for some reason as well, and it was just FESTERING inside of me. It was so incredibly painful. Then, Jupiter got online and I was expecting this wonderfully giddy time like we normally have, but she was sleepy, and rightfully so. The poor girl has been keeping both her husband and me afloat during our freakouts and she hasn't gotten enough sleep. But I took it the wrong way and just lost it all over her. I was so afraid of so many things, not one of them being her. I cried so much during our conversation, with that thick heavy weight on my chest just pouring out the tears. But I think it helped a lot. I'm so stuck in this waiting game to move over there, because we have to make sure we're doing this right, that I'm afraid she won't be there on the other end. She's reassurred me that both she and her husband will be and it will be alright. It was a positive for the day. That weight flew out of my chest as quickly as it came and I was feeling so much better. I'm hoping my time for freaking out is over, at least for a long long while. I can't handle this craziness in my head too much, especially when it's attacking the people that I love the most. We're taking a bit of a break from each other tonight. So that both she and I can possibly get some kind of sleep. I'll miss her... but I'll miss her more if she runs herself ragged. One night isn't going to make a difference in the grand scheme of things. We will chat on Tuesday, and Wednesday is out phone night. So I will be fine. I just hope she gets the rest she needs. And I hope today is better than yesterday. Oye. 11:37 am - 2005-07-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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