clrmehppygrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Love in a Tiny Cage My heart has gone out of check and brought me nothing but thoughts of her. I can't stop checking my email, and when nothing new is coming in, going back and reading the old ones. This is very different than the first time around. But the general fear is still there. We, as two women, are more simple beings, but our situations have become much much much more complex than it once was. The honesty is new. She and I never used to expose our souls towards each other, the fear shutting us down, but now honesty is the most important aspect of the entire situation. But I still have fear. I think the distance brings it more than anything, because when I was around her, I feared nothing. I feel like I can love deeper now. It's a strange thing, and yes, it's still new and possibly not a permanent side effect of her, but I would like it to stay. I am more calm. I am more affectionate towards my husband and I don't pull away as much. I have more patience with my son, and am smiling a lot more than I used to. Is it her? It is the newness? Or is this what happens when you take the restrictions of loving and just let your heart feel what it wants to? Is this what happens when you let go, and let it happen? I've missed her today. I've missed being in their apartment so full of love and acceptance, especially now that I'm back and have to crawl back into my cave of perceived normalicy. I'm a 24 year old woman in love with two people, and still unable to come out to my friends and family as a bisexual. It's hard to keep so much joy caged. I love. And right now, there's nothing in its way but the size of it all. 2:33 pm - 2005-07-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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