clrmehppygrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Moving and Severances I want nothing more, right now, than to claw my way out of my own skin and run away... far far FAR away. Being that that option isn't really an option, I am, instead, drinking tequila and eating myself into an oblivion. Tonight, at work, I found out that they seem to be phasing people out for the eventual closing of the site I work at. Now, I knew this was coming EVENTUALLY, but not so soon. Not like this. Not without warning. By next month I may have to make the choice of severance pay, or moving to a new location. A location not a mile away from the place I had a gun shoved into my back. A location that I really don't want to go to. I'm terrified. Yes, I'm probably over-reacting. But my gut is so knotted up right now that I just want to scream. I want to run around the house screaming at the top of my lungs. But I can't do that. So I'm drinking. And eating. And hurting. And scared beyond all imagination. And panicking. And wanting so badly to just tear myself to shreds so that I can really hurt instead of just feeling this lump of terror in my chest. I wish I could just reach through your screen, grab you by the shoulders and shake you, to make you understand what this means to me. I wish you could see the fear in my eyes that words could never express. I really don't want to die. 12:16 am - 2005-06-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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