clrmehppygrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Moving and Parents Things are getting tense around here lately, and I'm not exactly sure why this is happening. All I do know is that I want to get away from it. When things start happening like this I tend to make a ton of plans to move away and never see my family again. All very drastic things that I'm not 100% sure I should do, or even attempt. But I really want to keep a level head about all of this. I did send my resume to a friend in the Orlando area because his company was hiring and they pay well. Apartments in that area are about $2-300 cheaper than anything remotely close in this area. I do want to get away from my family for many reasons. I really want to be able to be my own person. I wouldn't have to pretend I'm Christian, pretend I'm straight, or even pretend that I'm perfect anymore. I'm tired of the facade. I know I will break hearts, but I'm really tired of this continual bruising of my own. I have to do what's right for my little family. And right now, getting my son away from all of these outside influences would probably be the best for him. My family is very heavy-handed on the guilt trips and the mind games and I don't want him growing up with that. My family is the furthest thing from supportive in any field and I don't want that for him. I want him to be able to do whatever he wants with his life. Because it's just that, his. I'm not allowed to do anything with mine. My family has dictated who I am to be, my entire life. My grandmother, every time she comes around, has to mention something about my weight. Even when I was looking better, she put me down. He will not have that. My mom is so uber-focused on his weight as well, that I want to get him away from. They give him no structure, and I don't appreciate it at all. They undermine everything we're trying to do with him. We put him to bed 30 minutes early last night because he was so over-tired that he was just insufferable. Then my stepfather decides to go in and give him something he'd bought him. Thus, Greg starts screaming when he leaves and my mom comes out telling us, "You know he's crying his head off in there." Come the fuck on! I'm tired of it, but I definitely want to keep level about all of this. Once we get our bills paid up this coming week, we should be alright to start saving. I really want to have a coushin to fall back on if we do move far away. I don't want to have to worry about food or put any pressure on our friends that we'd stay with. Luckily, hubby can transfer with no problem. I just have to find a job. I'm not too keen on quitting a job before I have another one, but I guess you have to do what you have to do. We'll see how it goes. 12:14 pm - 2005-05-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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