clrmehppygrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Period Prayer As all of you know, last week was NOT a good week for me. I think I truly, and finally, lost my mind. Things were bad then and they have gotten better, thankfully. The strange part about it all is that this week, the week I'm off the patch entirely, is totally normal. Cheery at best. This is the week I'm supposed to be crazy suicidal screaming nut job. This is the week my hormones are supposed to drive me crazy. I'm afraid. About 2 weeks ago, my husband and I had a very passionate adult time during the day, and that very day, I felt different. SOMETHING felt different. I can't explain it. Then the crazy week happened. And now this week is insanely serene. My mood is fabulous, and even when we have adult time, I'm more relaxed than normal. I'm more able to enjoy the time that he and I have together. On top of it all, my digestive system has been going haywire. I swear I'm full of hot air in more ways than one right now! To top it all off, every time I smell chicken, I feel nausiated. I was eating some today, waves of nausea came over me. No puking, but I was only tiptoes away from it. I don't know if you're thinking what I'm thinking, but here it is. I'm afraid I may be pregnant. Yes, there it is, I said it! It's in print. It's in black and white and all over the internet. So what? Grr. No, I don't know for sure yet. I'm not even supposed to get my period until Friday or Saturday at the latest. Yes I know there is only a 1 in 100 chance that I could possibly even be pregnant. And it's probably just be psyching myself out or something. But it really has me worried. I don't know what we're going to do if I am. I don't know how this is going to pan out. We really can't afford it at all. This is why I'm on the patch to begin with. We can't afford another child. But the flipside is that we do want more kids, and we don't believe in abortion, personally. If I don't get my period this by Saturday night, I will be purchasing an EPT (the best one out there, TRUST me on that one!) and taking it Sunday morning. You will know as soon as I do. Part of me hopes that I'm not, because of the financial issues. But there's still that part of me that hopes beyond hope, that I am. We really want more children, and the only thing stopping us right now really is the money. Nothing else. If we had our own place and had the extra funds, we would be pregnant, or trying to get that way. So no matter what the outcome, this entire thing will be bittersweet. Wish me luck.... for what, I don't know. 12:19 am - 2005-05-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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