clrmehppygrl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Keep On Keeping On Life is hard. As much as that is a "no shit!" statement, it's so true that it's almost profound. I watched a movie today on the Oxygen Network called "Deadly Friends", creepy movie, based on a true story, but really good. One of the moms in the story said something that really struck me deep. "I love my husband. I love my son. I love my job...... I hate my life." And if that was any more appropriate for my situation it would be me in the movie. I just hope my son doesn't end up like hers. Anyway. Thank you to those of you who replied to that last crazy entry. I appreciate the concern. I do need to go see someone. Whether this be hormones or otherwise, something isn't right in my head. When I'm thinking about whether my son would be better off if I were dead, or if I stuck around and just be the crazy mother that I am... which would do more damage to him mentally. Now, don't misinterpret me... just because I think of these things, I will never ever ever try to kill myself. As much as I want out of my present misery, there is so much I'd miss if I were to go now. When I start feeling hopeless, and helpless, and ready to end it all... I think about that. I think about missing my grandchildren. Missing my son graduating from high school, his wedding, or any future children we might have. I'd miss growing old with my husband. There is a lot I'd miss. And for those things alone, I could never take my own life. But that doesn't mean that I don't think about it sometimes. It hurts to keep on keeping on sometimes, but it's something I have to do. Eventually I'll get the help I need. Maybe it'll help, or maybe it'll just be another to add to my list of quacky shrinks that I've already started. I'll be alright in the end, I know it. I've got a terrific son and a saint for a husband. They'll get me through this if I can't. Just by being in my life, they'll get me through. 11:43 pm - 2005-05-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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